I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
