i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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