Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
