Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
