Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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