I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
try to milk me bitch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
