i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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