And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
