Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
