the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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