Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
