Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
