Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
