I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
