Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
