Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
