so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
