Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
