OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
