it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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