I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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