the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
