the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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