Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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