Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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