he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think my moral compass just broke
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
