Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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