she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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