I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
