just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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