Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize