Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
