There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
