a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
