Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
