Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
