genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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