She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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