True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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