2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
