i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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