I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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