walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
