he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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