Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
