I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
