Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
