I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
