it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need a beard to bite.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
