So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
