The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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