rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I understand Curling. That high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
