i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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