Whod you bang
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
